Shocked and saddened this morning with the news that yet another world renowned icon’s life has ended of their own volition, I felt that saying something about this was important.
{Successful Yet Suffering}
I cannot imagine the immense pressure on Masters of their craft and trailblazers, such as Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams who also took his life a few years ago. On the outside, looking in, it seems like these people live these magical lives – hob-nobbing with the world’s rich, famous, and “successful”.
“Successful” is in quotations because we read about the depression and suffering these seemingly successful people endure. And it makes me wonder whether were they actually successful? Undoubtedly they were world-changing accomplished. But were they successful if they suffered so much?
At what point, in our pursuit of success do we shift from passionate to depressed? I suppose this is very personal as every person sees life differently.
As a society, especially amongst South Asians, we place tremendous emphasis on wealth and fame as THE definition of success. And I’m writing this post to challenge that.
{Keeping Up With The Joneses}
Earlier this week I caught up with a friend, over the phone, who told me about the stress of her home renovation and how self conscious she is about the additional chairs she sets up in her family room, when more guests come over, because the chairs aren’t super fancy and don’t match the furniture in her living room. And she talked about this for a full 5 minutes.
For the record my friend is NOT shallow, nor vain. She’s just caught up in keeping up with the Joneses. And completely stressing herself out. And she didn’t even realize it.
I lovingly reminded her that how well she and her husband treat their guests, trumps whatever chairs they have. Additionally the fact that her Orange County home in one of the wealthiest zip codes in the country, is already beautiful. And regardless of the material beauty – that she has a loving husband, two happy, healthy, beautiful children, a fulfilling career, and goes on holiday a couple times a year.
And I could literally feel the weight lifting off of her shoulders as we spoke; as she took a step back to reflect on that.
I shared this story because I think some aspects are very relevant to Indian weddings. There can be a lot of pressure to please others, as South Asian culture is inherently group-focused vs. Western cultures that are individual-focused.
And when brides and grooms go on Instagram and Pinterest, and attend their friends’ weddings and see these gorgeous pictures of dense decor and the biggest, mandaps in the history of mandaps and crystal encrusted lehengas, it takes Captain America-like might to not fall into the “I have to keep up” mindset.
{Was It Worth it?}
My husband attended an Indian wedding a few years ago where this couple went ALL out. I’m talking the works. Big florals for the mandap and the reception, over-and-above food options etc. But the morning of the ceremony – before it started, the two families were literally yelling at each other – arguing over wedding details. Think about that. Outwardly, everything looked stunning. But on the inside – the whole event was scarred by negativity.
{Take Aways}
I wanted to write this for every couple who feels societal pressure and stress during wedding planning, to remind them to keep things in perspective. Your real friends and positive people will add the to joyous atmosphere on your wedding day. After the celebrations are complete, all your guests will go back to their lives and you will be left to reflect on the whole event. And I hope it always brings a huge smile on your face and a sense of fulfillment as you start the next phase of your life.
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