Indian Weddings And Keeping Things in Perspective

Shocked and saddened this morning with the news that yet another world renowned icon’s life has ended of their own volition, I felt that saying something about this was important. 

{Successful Yet Suffering}

I cannot imagine the immense pressure on Masters of their craft and trailblazers, such as Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams who also took his life a few years ago. On the outside, looking in, it seems like these people live these magical lives – hob-nobbing with the world’s rich, famous, and “successful”. 

“Successful” is in quotations because we read about the depression and suffering these seemingly successful people endure. And it makes me wonder whether were they actually successful? Undoubtedly they were world-changing accomplished. But were they successful if they suffered so much?

At what point, in our pursuit of success do we shift from passionate to depressed? I suppose this is very personal as every person sees life differently. 

 

As a society, especially amongst South Asians, we place tremendous emphasis on wealth and fame as THE definition of success. And I’m writing this post to challenge that.

{Keeping Up With The Joneses}

Earlier this week I caught up with a friend, over the phone, who told me about the stress of her home renovation and how self conscious she is about the additional chairs she sets up in her family room, when more guests come over, because the chairs aren’t super fancy and don’t match the furniture in her living room. And she talked about this for a full 5 minutes. 

For the record my friend is NOT shallow, nor vain. She’s just caught up in keeping up with the Joneses. And completely stressing herself out.  And she didn’t even realize it.

I lovingly reminded her that how well she and her husband treat their guests, trumps whatever chairs they have. Additionally the fact that her Orange County home in one of the wealthiest zip codes in the country, is already beautiful. And regardless of the material beauty – that she has a loving husband, two happy, healthy, beautiful children, a fulfilling career, and goes on holiday a couple times a year. 

And I could literally feel the weight lifting off of her shoulders as we spoke; as she took a step back to reflect on that. 

I shared this story because I think some aspects are very relevant to Indian weddings. There can be a lot of pressure to please others, as South Asian culture is inherently group-focused vs. Western cultures that are individual-focused.

And when brides and grooms go on Instagram and Pinterest, and attend their friends’ weddings and see these gorgeous pictures of dense decor and the biggest, mandaps in the history of mandaps and crystal encrusted lehengas, it takes Captain America-like might to not fall into the “I have to keep up” mindset.

{Was It Worth it?}

My husband attended an Indian wedding a few years ago where this couple went ALL out. I’m talking the works. Big florals for the mandap and the reception, over-and-above food options etc. But the morning of the ceremony – before it started, the two families were literally yelling at each other – arguing over wedding details. Think about that. Outwardly, everything looked stunning. But on the inside – the whole event was scarred by negativity. 


 

{Take Aways}

I wanted to write this for every couple who feels societal pressure and stress during wedding planning, to remind them to keep things in perspective. Your real friends and positive people will add the to joyous atmosphere on your wedding day. After the celebrations are complete, all your guests will go back to their lives and you will be left to reflect on the whole event. And I hope it always brings a huge smile on your face and a sense of fulfillment as you start the next phase of your life.

 


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Samta Varia Founder & CEO ShaadiShop: Indian Wedding Venues

{ShaadiShop Testimonials}

“We just booked a full Indian wedding through ShaadiShop at the Hilton Waterfront Beach Resort. In addition to the business, we appreciate the exposure ShaadiShop creates about our venue, as the couple didn’t know about our resort until ShaadiShop told them about us. Additionally, we appreciate the pre-qualification work that ShaadiShop does to match couples and venues that are a good fit for each other. We had all the info needed to conduct the initial meeting. What a great service for venues to market to the South Asian community!” Angie Florence, Catering Manager at The Waterfront Beach Resort, Huntington Beach, CA


“We’re so glad we joined ShaadiShop to market this hotel to the South Asian community in the Orange County area. Every wedding we close from their leads returns more than 3x our investment. Moreover, they pre-qualify leads and educate consumers creating a much better sales cycle for our catering team. Venues looking to reach this market, join ShaadiShop!” – Ryan Hurd, Catering Sales Manager, Wyndham Anaheim Garden Grove


“Shaadishop helped me not only find venues but also understand how they work, the fees, and tips that I wouldn’t have otherwise known. Definitely a need service in the desi community. “ Hinna S., Bride


“Cannot say enough good things about the service from Samta and ShaadiShop who helped us research venues for our wedding this year. We wanted a non-hotel venue, and to get married within 6 months. ShaadiShop immediately found us venues, contacted them and educated us about all the things we needed to think about while selecting a venue. They put all the info together in a fabulous, super impressive, spreadsheet that helped us compare venues – seriously amazing and such a great help. Working with them made the whole stressful process MUCH easier and I can’t believe it was all free! ShaadiShop’s website is fantastic and such a great service for South Asians – so glad I found them!” Anjli S., Bride


“We’re so glad we used ShaadiShop to book our venue. The info on the website is amazing and then they gave us such personalized attention! They were such a valuable resource for selecting venues, helping us understand policies and logistics. Their suggestions saved us a lot money too! They really understood us, what we wanted and helped us get it. AND it’s free! So glad there’s a service like this for South Asians. Awesome that there’s something like this for South Asians!” Janki K., Bride


“I worked with ShaadiShop to find a venue for my daughter’s wedding. The website is easy to use and has so much useful information. ShaadiShop made everything easy for me – getting quotes, suggesting venues, explaining fees and policies. Most importantly, my daughter and son-in-law are happy with the venue. ShaadiShop is a great and service for our community. I’m so glad I found them!” Charu S. Bride’s Mother

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